A Problem Shared: Help! My Daughter Is A Goth

A Problem Shared Parenting & Family Advice | by | 21st Oct 2016

APS Goth

Zoe’s daughter is now a goth, and she isn’t really happy about this. Do you have any advice for this week’s A Problem Shared…?

If you have an issue around your children’s life choices or anything else that you wish to share with the FamilyPoint Community, as well as get an answer from one of our trained and experienced helpline adviser advocates, then click here.

Hi FamilyPoint,

My 13 year old has suddenly decided she’s a goth, and at the risk of sounding like my mother, I’m not best pleased with this little development. Being a goth seems to mean a whole new wardrobe (and who’s going to pay for that?), c**p music and a right old attitude.

The thing is, I don’t think she’s really into it but is just trying to fit in. She’s ditched a lot of the friends she made in primary school for a new bunch that I don’t know anything about.

I know teenagers go through phases, but how can I hurry her up out of this one, so she’s back to the bright cheery girl she was before?


Our FamilyPoint reply to Zoe

Hi Zoe,

Thanks for contacting FamilyPoint Cymru to get some advice about your daughter’s choice of being a goth. I can understand your concerns and your worries as you’ve mentioned how to ‘hurry up’ with this phase.

It’s always hard when your child starts to grow up and choose to follow a certain subculture that seems unfamiliar to you. Our natural instinct always wants our children to stay children forever. It’s difficult for us as parents when teenagers seem to try and change their identity.

APS Goth Teen Rebel Advice


All teenagers like to experiment. It’s an important part of growing up for them, exploring their personality and figuring out who they are and their identity. I’m sure that you can remember your teenage years and the constant need to go against what our parents/carers suggest or want for us.

As a parent now yourself, I’m sure you’ve noticed the more we choose to question or voice our opinions on our teenage children’s choices or behaviours, the more that individual will lean towards ‘rebelling’. Rebelling is a natural behaviour for teenagers but one of the challenges about parenting them.

Talk about her choices

You might find this article useful about understanding teenage rebelling behaviour. Have you thought about talking to your daughter on what it is about being a ‘goth’ that appeals to her? By opening up this conversation it might help you to learn a bit more about why she has made this choice? It may also help you learn about what traits of being a goth she is interested in. You will then be able to gear the conversation towards her group of friends, something that obviously concerns you.

This may be a phase that will disappear in a few months. It might also be a lifestyle choice that could be part of her entire life. Your daughter needs to feel supported with her choices. Don’t let the gothic lifestyle that she has chosen affect your relationship with her. She is still the same person after all.

I hope that this has helped you and best of luck for the future.

Helpline Graphic for Play out alone problem

If you would like further information on national or local support services, then you can contact us at FamilyPoint Cymru via phone 0300 222 57 57, text 07860 052 905, or IM/Chat. We are open Monday – Thursday 6pm – 10pm and Friday & Saturday 10am – 2pm.


The FamilyPoint Cymru Team


A Problem Shared… is your space to share both your problems and your advice with the FamilyPoint Community.

Got a problem you want to share? Ask us now. Got advice you want to share? Leave a comment below or write an article for us!

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