A Problem Shared: How Can I See My Kids This Christmas?

A Problem Shared Parenting & Family Advice Rights & Responsibilities | by | 16th Dec 2016

Sad bear in a box for Children Christmas Access APS

Dafydd wants to see his kids on Christmas Day but his ex-partner is saying no. Do you have any advice or support for this week’s A Problem Shared…?

If you need some help with any ideas or with any issues that are causing problems for your family why not share with the FamilyPoint Community? You can get advice and support from other parents as well as get an answer from one of our trained and experienced helpline adviser advocates. Click here.

Hi FamilyPoint,

My ex-partner is refusing to let me see my kids on Christmas Day. I’ve tried to be reasonable and come to a compromise but she isn’t willing to play ball. It’s my first Christmas away from the kids and I don’t know how I’ll cope. I just want to see them for half-an-hour, give them their presents, have a cwtch, yet she won’t even allow that. I don’t think it’s too much to ask. I’m happy to come to them or I can pick them up or I can meet somewhere like the park if it’s dry, anywhere. She’s shacked up with someone now but I don’t think he’s got anything to do with it, he seems like decent guy, I think it’s all her. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for a father to see his children on Christmas Day. What can I do?

Our FamilyPoint reply to Dafydd.

Thanks for getting in touch with us here at FamilyPoint about your Christmas Contact worries.

Seasonal and festive holidays like Christmas can be really difficult for parents not living with their children. What you’re asking for isn’t too much and coming to a compromise with your ex-partner is of course the best option for everyone involved, in particular your children.

From what you say, you’ve given this a lot of thought and discussed this with your ex-partner, however to no avail.

Sadly, unless your ex-partner agrees to you seeing your children on Christmas day you might have to rethink your plans. Maybe you could re-visit this in the new year with her as a long-term plan could benefit everyone.

Christmas Advice for separated Dad APS

Being in this situation can be very distressing. Non-resident parents can often feel jealous, lonely, sad and resentful. These feelings are perfectly normal but will pass leaving you to enjoy the time you do have with your children.

If your ex-partner does not change her mind and you will not get the chance to see your children on Christmas Day, and will be alone, see if you can make arrangements with your friends or family. If anyone close to you is in the same situation, why not organise to see them. You could invite them for lunch so that you will not be by yourself. This would make the day easier for you and them.

Christmas Take Two

Whilst I know it’s not the same, could you perhaps consider doing ‘Christmas Take Two’ on Boxing Day? You could do all the traditional festive things from stockings to presents to turkey to Christmas films. I’m sure your children would love it. You could even include grandparents and other family members in the fun, as often they miss out on seeing the children following a separation.

I know this isn’t the perfect situation for you and hopefully in the future you and your ex-partner can come to a more fair arrangement. However remember, it’s the special memories you make with your children that matter. They can be made on any day of the Christmas season 🙂

Helpline Graphic for Play out alone problem

If you would like further information on national or local support services, then you can contact us at FamilyPoint Cymru via phone 0300 222 57 57, text 07860 052 905, or IM/Chat. We are open Monday – Thursday 6pm – 10pm and Friday & Saturday 10am – 2pm.


The FamilyPoint Cymru Team


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