Welcome to the first of our 12 Christmas Blogs that will lead you through the festivities up to the 2nd of January. We will be looking at lots of different subjects including coping with the stresses of Christmas, recipe ideas, debt, savings and New Year’s resolutions. So come back each day to see what topic we’ll be discussing.
Got a rubbish present this Christmas? Did it cost a bit of money, so you can’t just bin it or give it to someone else? That’s what’s happened to John. Do you have any advice or support for this week’s A Problem Shared..?
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Right… it appears my wife has spent quite a bit of money on a set of golf clubs as a present for me this Christmas. She says she hopes that this’ll bring me and her dad closer together. He’s a keen golfer you see. Three things…
- I hate golf.
- I don’t like her father.
- He doesn’t like me either.
So how can I politely move on this present with causing an almighty barney with my good lady wife? We’re not exactly flush with cash, so I don’t want them languishing in the attic gathering dust. Am I simply going to have to do just that, or god forbid, actually use them with my father-in-law?
Help me please!
Our FamilyPoint reply to John
Hi there, thanks for getting in touch with FamilyPoint. It sounds like you’re in a bit of a tricky situation with regards to your wife’s Christmas present to you and the reasons behind it! It’s understandable that you don’t want to upset your wife. Yet equally, it’s pretty clear from what you’re saying that you and your father-in-law have no desire to get closer to each other, with or without golf clubs. You also said that you have no interest in golf, and that the clubs are likely to languish in the attic if you decide to keep them.
You might want to think about choosing a quiet, relaxed time to have a chat with your wife about her choice of gift. Begin by saying that you really appreciate the thought behind the gift. Follow this by saying that you understand why she wants you and her father to have a more positive relationship. Citing examples of times when your dislike of each other has been obvious and perhaps caused tension, you could explain that you don’t believe your father-in-law would be any more keen than you are to spend time with each-other. At this point, you could acknowledge that it’s an unfortunate state of play, but you can’t see it changing after all this time. You could also remind her that you don’t actually like golf.
You mentioned that you’re not flush for cash at the moment. Why not suggest that she return the golf clubs? You can then use some of the money for something that the two of you can use together. Or perhaps even a romantic night or weekend away? Sites such as Groupon and Living Social have great offers on hotel stays. This might help lessen any disappointment she feels.
Bite The Bullet
Alternatively, you could just bite the bullet. Say it’s a lovely gift and thought, and that you’re really looking forward to playing golf with your father-in-law, and actually try to make the best out of the situation. Building relationships with people can sometimes be made easier when you do something together. This allows for the focus to be on the activity rather than on each other. Your father-in-law might be sympathetic to his daughter’s hope for a better relationship between you, and agree to grin and bear it, just as you would be doing. Whatever you decide, I hope it works out well.
I hope you find the above suggestions useful, and that you all enjoy Christmas and the coming new year.
If you would like further information on national or local support services, then you can contact us at FamilyPoint Cymru via phone 0300 222 57 57, text 07860 052 905, or IM/Chat. We are open over the festive period, even on Christmas Day.
The FamilyPoint Cymru Team
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