A Problem Shared: Should We Stay Together For The Kids?

A Problem Shared Parenting & Family Advice | by | 6th Jan 2017

After spending time as a family over the festive period, Maggi from Torfaen has been quarrelling constantly with her husband and she’s unsure about their relationship. Do you have any advice or support for this week’s A Problem Shared…?

If you need some help with any ideas or with any issues that are causing problems for your family why not share with the FamilyPoint Community? You can get advice and support from other parents as well as get an answer from one of our trained and experienced helpline adviser advocates. Click here.

Hi FamilyPoint,

Should I stay with my husband or not? How do I know? These are the questions I’ve been asking myself daily, for over 8 years, since things started turning sour in my marriage.

Over the Christmas and New Year period, my husband and I argued all the time. Being stuck together as a family over the so-called “holiday” season, we reached a pressure point. I was miserable.

I know there are many factors to consider here, not just our relationship as a married couple, but also our kids, our finances, etc. To be honest, I am not sure if I still love my husband, but I’ve always wanted to stay together for the kids. I know it’s a cliché, but they’re my world, and I don’t want to see theirs shattered. They are a bit older now (14 and 9), so maybe it’s time, but I’m really not sure. I don’t even know where to start here, so any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks, Maggi.

Our FamilyPoint advice to Maggi

Thanks for getting in touch with us here at FamilyPoint about your relationship concerns.

Seasonal and family holidays can be a difficult time as well as an enjoyable one due to the pressure we can often place on ourselves and each other. Social media and television advertising can often present an idealistic and glamorous image of what others experience of the “holiday season” however the reality can often be very different, fraught by money worries, pressures to entertain relatives and a hectic schedule.

It is a difficult dilemma that you face and your confusion over the situation is understandable. Sadly, if you are unhappy you may have a difficult decision to make in the near future. From what you say you have been thinking about this for some time. Have you discussed this with your husband? If this is difficult, there are services out there that may be able to provide third party support for you to discuss this with your husband rationally and calmly. Couples counselling is a popular option and further details of this are available on the Relate website, which also offers advice.

Should you and your husband make the decision to separate, mediation services can also help you come to a mutual agreement over finances and childcare. Further details of mediation services can be found on the Citizens Advice website.

If you do not feel that mediation is a viable option, you may need to pursue legal proceedings. Divorce is dealt with in the Family Court. You can find details of your local Family Court on the GOV.UK website.

In regard to your concerns about the impact this may have upon your children, naturally this would be a worry, but children can be well supported and loved in separated families. Research has shown that children are resilient if parents are open, honest and re-assure them about the process of separation.

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If you would like further information on national or local support services, then you can contact us at FamilyPoint Cymru via phone 0300 222 57 57, text 07860 052 905, or IM/Chat. We are open Monday to Friday 9am-5pm.


The FamilyPoint Cymru Team

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